By Naz Pervin
In earlier times, there was no concept of marriage bureaus. As soon as a young man or woman reached a suitable age, families would arrange marriages within the extended family or community. Relatives would collectively contribute to preparing the dowry. Wedding meals were simple, and marriage ceremonies were often held in a large family home or under a tent set up in the neighborhood.
Divorce was extremely rare. Family disputes were resolved through the wisdom of elders from both sides. Honor was shared, as were joys and sorrows. Every girl and woman in the neighborhood was respected equally. Any suspicious person entering the locality would immediately attract attention and be questioned. Men lowered their gaze when women passed by. Children played safely in the streets until late at night, and neighbors freely visited one another without hesitation.
Then came what we called “progress.”
Our houses became bigger, but our relationships grew smaller. The sense of neighborhood gradually disappeared. Large housing societies replaced close-knit communities. Economic hardships and insecurity forced many families to relocate. Today, even in ordinary neighborhoods, people often do not know who lives next door.
Social customs have also changed. Nowadays, marriage is not even considered until a young man becomes financially established, which often means he is over thirty or even thirty-five years old. Likewise, young women pursue higher education and careers in search of financial security, and many also marry in their thirties.
Both families often expect the couple to have their own house, a healthy bank balance, and a car before marriage. By the time these expectations are fulfilled, the first signs of gray hair have already appeared.
As if this were not enough, marriage itself has become unnecessarily expensive. Lavish wedding halls, extravagant decorations, elaborate catering, and social competition have transformed a sacred union into a financial burden. Just to avoid hearing, “What will people say?” parents sacrifice their children’s happiness.
Pakistan’s middle class suffers the most from this trend, while for the poor, even providing two daily meals is a challenge. As a result, countless young men and women remain unmarried for years.
Unfortunately, this issue is no longer merely economic. Its consequences have become deeply alarming and are shaking the foundations of our society.
Almost every day, innocent children—both boys and girls—fall victim to sexual abuse and murder. Such incidents were once rare, but today they have become distressingly common. From Peshawar to Karachi, Pakistan echoes with the cries of these innocent victims. Electronic and print media report such horrifying cases almost daily.
In some cases, the perpetrators are arrested, yet surveys indicate that only a very small percentage are ultimately convicted, while many are acquitted due to insufficient evidence. Recently, the accused in a child abuse case in Sargodha was reportedly killed in a police encounter.
If the justice system repeatedly fails because of legal loopholes, people may eventually lose confidence in the law and attempt to take justice into their own hands.
Public awareness campaigns should encourage families to immediately inform the police before burying victims of sexual abuse and to preserve the victim’s clothing for DNA analysis, helping investigators identify offenders. Those found guilty should receive the strictest punishment.
Yet we must ask ourselves an important question: Will harsher punishments alone eliminate these crimes?
History suggests otherwise. There was a time in Britain when pickpocketing had become widespread. The government introduced the death penalty for the crime. However, during the public execution of a pickpocket, many spectators themselves had their pockets picked. Severe punishments alone cannot eradicate crime.
We have no sympathy for such criminals, but we must understand why such brutality has spread within our society.
As children, we played fearlessly in our neighborhoods. Today, children are not safe—not in the streets, not in schools, and, tragically, not even in their own homes. Young children often cannot comprehend that they are being abused, especially when the offender is a close relative or trusted acquaintance. They are frequently threatened into silence.
Studies indicate that a significant proportion of child abuse is committed by relatives, family friends, or trusted individuals. If neither the neighborhood, the school, nor the home can guarantee safety, where can children find protection?
This crisis is too serious to be solved by legislation alone.
In our society, discussions about sexuality are often considered taboo, even though it is a natural part of human life. Teachers, religious scholars, parents, and community leaders must educate children and adults alike. Schools, colleges, universities, seminaries, and mosques all have a responsibility to address these issues openly and responsibly.
We must also revive the culture of simple marriages.
Although the legal minimum age for marriage is now eighteen, why should young people be forced to wait until they are thirty before marrying? Society should encourage simplicity and facilitate early marriages when individuals are emotionally and legally prepared. Otherwise, many young people may fall into harmful influences, putting not only their own futures at risk but also the lives of innocent children.
Economic deprivation is another major contributing factor. More than 40 percent of Pakistan’s population lives below the poverty line, while over 60 percent consists of young people. When youth face unemployment, hopelessness, and deprivation, they become more vulnerable to negative influences. Poverty, violence, and social exclusion often create psychological instability that can contribute to criminal behavior.
The government must address inflation, create employment opportunities, provide recreational facilities, and develop playgrounds and healthy activities for young people.
The government has enacted laws, yet while social media accounts criticizing political or religious figures are swiftly blocked, platforms hosting obscene and sexually explicit content often remain accessible. Even child pornography and exploitative material can circulate online.
Experts warn that exposure to such material can fuel unhealthy sexual behavior, particularly among impressionable young minds. Cybercrime authorities and social media regulators must take effective action to remove such content and shut down websites promoting child exploitation.
Punishment alone will not solve the problem.
Several countries have already recognized the harmful impact of unrestricted social media exposure on children and have introduced stricter regulations.Britain has recently banned social media for kids upto 16 years old.
The rapid spread of these crimes resembles a social tsunami that threatens to destroy the moral fabric of our society.
We should not think that these tragedies happen only to other people’s children. Tomorrow, they could happen to ours.
Our children deserve a safe present and a secure future.
Let us embrace simplicity. Let us not delay marriages unnecessarily. Let us make marriage easier. Let us ensure the rule of law, regulate harmful online content, improve living conditions, strengthen moral education, and bring criminals to swift justice.
Every one of us is connected to children—our sons, daughters, nephews, nieces, grandsons, and granddaughters. These precious relationships are the greatest blessings in our lives.
Can any of us bear to see them become victims of such unspeakable brutality?
Certainly not.
Tears alone will change nothing.
Let us all work together to reform our society.
May Allah protect all our children and keep them safe under His mercy and care.
Naz Pervin is a renowned columnist and the Director of China Window, the Chinese Cultural Center in Peshawar.
Email: nazpervin@hotmail.com
